Monkeys eat ham
I really should be more diligent about posting here, I don't know why but it seems like a good idea. I'm also well aware of my track record with things like this, but that's a whole other can of worms. So all I can do is attempt to be more regular about it... Starting now.
So it's been a year and a half since my last post and it wasn't all the great a thing itself. Not that much can be gathered from my few postings so far, but I am still a pretty neurotic individual. Pair that with a pseudo-introvertedness stemming from my preference to listen and you have some basic idea as to what is wrong with me. I do a pretty good job of keeping my neuroses from externally exhibiting themselves but they still have their effect that I can feel. Anyway, enough about things like that.
Ahh the joys of physics, my major which I am quite fond of. Yes I'll admit it I am a nerd, but I'm quite fond of how advanced/modern physics makes me think. Personally I find it very interesting.
And, as is so often the case with me, I have now forgotten what else I was going to write so I guess I'll call it a night for this.
Zero, that's the amount of acknowledgement that was given to my concern for your well-being. You instead choose to tell me that you're going to go see a movie that I recommended to you earlier and, subsequently, reminded you about in this particular note. And then you start talking about finals. I realize we don't seem to be all that close anymore but you are still the one person in the world that knows more about me than anyone else, the only person I've really opened up to, and so you'll have to excuse me if I want to know that you are physically well and as mentally stable as is possible for persons like ourselves. And it hurts when you don't even acknowledge my concern for you. It kind of makes me wonder if you would have responded at all if the movie comment wasn't in my note.
Something dawned upon me today while I was putting clean sheets on my bed; unless you know what you are looking for no one will ever find this site and as such I can use it as a forum for “letters” or “messages that I am too afraid to send. But I still won’t be putting any names to them. So here goes.
I had a thought today about why we so rarely talk anymore and while I’m sure you would deny it completely it still makes a lot of sense. Because I believe that you know how I feel about you, on some level, I make the assumption that you feel less and less inclined to talk to me because you either don’t have or refuse to admit that you still have feelings for me. If you, in fact, don’t then you talk to me less because I’m not nearly as important a factor in your life and so you have less and less to talk to me about. If it is the latter then you don’t talk to me because I remind you of something that you don’t want to feel anymore.
As for myself it is for different reasons but the same circumstances. If you no longer are in love with me, which seems to be a pretty good possibility at this point, then the less I talk to you the less likely I am to get that message and I can continue living in a deluded fantasy. Or, if you are still in love with me and simply denying it then I’m probably not talking to you because of the pain that comes with being rejected.
Of course this is all merely speculative as I haven’t gotten a chance to have a conversation of any real depth with you for quite some time.
I's back.
I've been in a bad mood for 2 days now and it is really starting to piss me off. Partially because I don't like letting all this littler crap get to me and more so because I can't find anything that will help me feel any better. Maybe things will get better after my last test is over with tomorrow, I sure as hell hope so anyway.
Here is the first of an unknown number of very random; possibly incoherent, definately demented; posts. For those of you that know me, which is a very small number I'm sure, I have spent about the past week and a half doing little stuff to my car and friends cars. As short as a year ago I wouldn't have dreamed of trying what I have done lately, but it's getting easier as I do more and more.
On a completely unrelated note, I really need to meet more people. I have discovered that, while I am not a very social person, I enjoy the company of a few select people, or even fewer individuals, and unfortunately most of the people that fall into those categories are rather spread out. The problem is that I am not an exceptionally social person so going out and meeting people doesn't work too well for me.
That's all the news that currently isn't for me. Stay tuned for some more sporradically posted stuff which hopefully will be more interesting than this particular post.
